Prologue : Darklie the Quick

Darklie arrives on the outskirts of Kakariko Villiage, seeking the Thief that stole his Sacred Guardians.

The surroundings are pretty much trees. There is a SHACK nearby, and a FLASK lying on the ground.

What will you do?

Darklie picks up the flask and puts it in his pocket. He walks into the hut and looks around.

As Darklie walks into the hut, he realized the Flask that he had supposedly put in his pocket was a note. On the note said,

"You cant get ye flask."

The hut was disturbing and disgusting, and covered in the doo doo of whoever lived there. Suddenly, some of the poo stirred. Under the poo emerged a dog covered in said poo. The poo dog looked into Darklie's eyes and then barked. It then ran off, leaving a trail of poo.

Around Darklie is a DEAD POO COVERED MONKEY, a note on a GIANT PIECE OF PAPER, and a TOILET.

Darklie runs out of the hut because it smells like danky ass poopoo. Darklie folds the paper up and puts it in his pocket.

He continues on through the forest.

Upon attempting to leave the hut, Darklie is stopped by the door, which closes the instant he starts to attempt to leave.

Then he realized that he never picked up the paper at all. It was a figment of his imagination.

He'll actually have to do something to get out.

Go figure.

Around Darklie is a DEAD POO COVERED MONKEY, a note on a GIANT PIECE OF PAPER, and a TOILET.

What will you do?

Darklie looks around for any window in the hut. He also looks around for something metal that he can use to knock or pry the door open with.

Unfortunatley, there are no windows in this hut. It keeps in the smell of the poo poo, which was the intent of the owners for some reason.

Metal things- there are none. Just the wood of the hut, the doo doo - oh yeah, and

Around Darklie is a DEAD POO COVERED MONKEY, a note on a GIANT PIECE OF PAPER, and a TOILET.

What will you do?

Darklie picks up the giant piece of paper so he can wipe away the poopoo from the walls. He looks for a weak spot in the wood so he can kick in a hole.

Upon rubbing the walls of of the hut with the giant piece of paper, the poo screams aloud bloody murder. It pushes away the giant note and then lunges for Darklie. The poo enters through his mouth and then begins to start filling his lung cavities.

Soon enough all of the poo has entered Darklie's body and he is 80% fecal matter.

Just when it couldn't get any worse, the poo starts to come back out. His anus increases its size 1000% and the poo flies out 40 gallons per second.

Darklie screams and circles the room in pain, as the walls and ground is covered with all the poo again.

Now, Around Darklie is a DEAD POO COVERED MONKEY, a note on a GIANT PIECE OF PAPER, and a TOILET.

What will you do?

Darklie reads the note then uses it as toilet paper to wipe his anus. He then pulls out the flask to examine whats inside.

On the note of the giant piece of paper was the words

"Dear Spongebob, Went out to get more Giant Paper.

UMMM.... Patrick.

P.S. Happy Leif Errickson Day! Yinger Heiger Dophen."

After wiping his enlarged anus, it returns back to original size. The flask also never existed.

Now, Around Darklie is a DEAD POO COVERED MONKEY, and a TOILET.

What will you do?

Darklie is relieved his anus is back to size. He now goes to examine the toilet for any clues or hints to help him get out of the hut.

Upon staring into the bowel of the toilet, Darklie is suprised to find:

Poo.

However, through the center of the poo he sees a shining light. It must be the way out of the hut. Unfortunatley, there is no handle on the toilet, but perhaps somewhere around the hut it could be.

Now, Around Darklie is a DEAD POO COVERED MONKEY, and a TOILET he cannot use.

What will you do?

Darklie is excited to see a shining light. He picks up the dead monkey and rips it into shreds looking in the monkeys stomach for any thing the toilet is missing.

Upon approaching the poo covered monkey, it wakes up. It appears it wasn't dead at all, but in a coma. The monkey began to talk -

"Hello, my name is Titanus, and I am the Guardian of Planet of the Apes. My dimensional portal device malfunctioned and -"

But before he could finish Darklie picked him up.

"Oh, what's this? Well, I enjoy your company but- wait... what are you doing? No! NOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

His screams of pain and torment were nothing compared to the soulnessless in Darklies eyes as he teared him to shreds. Out of the monkey's now eviscerated hand dropped the handle to the toilet. Ouch.

There is now a HANDLE on the ground, and the TOILET.

What will you do, monkey killer?

Darklie is proud of what he did not thinking twice about what he did, after all...he is a killer its what he does. Darklie picks up the handle and tries to fix the toilet.

The handle goes directly into the slot in which it was supposed to, and the toilet shines with a golden glow. Clearly this was no ordinary toilet. The golden glow vanquishes the poo in the shack and even that in the bowl.

The light was now brighter than ever, and it was clear where the exit was.

All there was to do now in this empty shack was to flush himself down the toilet.

There is a TOILET.

What now?

Darklie is ready to get the fuck out of there. so he flushes himself down the toilet.

His body is instantly sucked down the toilet tube. But instead of compressing his body in a cool way like a movie would, most of his bones are broken in the process. He gets warped down the doodie pipes (which still had poopie on the insides) and is transported a very long distance, for who knows how long.

The pipes eventually end and the flesh pile that was once a man lands out on the cold, dusty ground inside a giant hut. Darklie passes out instantly.





PROLOGUE END